Today my friend and boss (she hates when I call her that) inspired me to write an honest post. She’s a big fan of blogs – honest, real blogs. The blogs that tell real life stories from which there are real life lessons to be learnt.
When she continued to tell me more about the blogs she follows I thought “Wow, come to think of it, I love real posts too”. I subscribed to the Cosmopolitan ONLY for their real life articles and 99% of the magazine is fluff and pretty pictures of things I would love to own but simply cannot afford. (Disclaimer – my inner princess loves to look at the fluff and pretty pictures).
So, I thought a personal post is a little overdue and in the spirit of being honest I thought I’d bullet point a few honest facts about me. If nothing else, I hope these make you feel a little better about yourself:
- I’m a very judgemental person and I hate that about myself. It not only looks bad but it makes me super unhappy too. Why? Well, people who are judgemental of others usually obsess about being perfect so that other people don’t have any grounds for judgement. So, the tiniest bit of criticism gets me down.
- I come from a broken home, grew up under difficult circumstances, was abused, saw things that I really shouldn’t have and have had to suffer through a MASS of pink bullies in high school. All along I thought I was “happy” until one day I just couldn’t smile anymore and I wanted to hurt the people around me who hurt me. I wanted them to feel how they made me feel. And so my journey on the path of self-destruction began.
- Right now, I love my dad more than my mom and I’m not ashamed to say it. (A normal person would feel a little remorse… I don’t)
- I find it very difficult to give an accurate description of beauty products. I love to try and use them but I beat myself up trying to do a blog about it that does it justice.
- I hate being told what to do. Not always – it depends on where it comes from. But for some reason, when I don’t like the origin of the “order” it really ticks me off.
- I feel like, I’m only worthy of friendship if I can be helpful to others. I figured this one out while I was bending over backwards for my “best friend’s” wedding and spending obscene amounts of money that no self-respecting person would spend. It hit me like a pap snoek right in the face and then I realised that this is the reason her ungratefulness hurts me so much.
- I’m happy about the absence of a certain friend. I wish I didn’t have feelings like these, but “hurt me once, shame on you…. Hurt me twice… ha, nice try”. And now it’s safe to say that because of this friend my trust issues flared up again.
- Sometimes (a lot of the times) I wish I could run away. I just imagine myself, selling off my stuff and drawing my savings to go somewhere where nobody knows me and where nobody who knows me can find me.
I understand why the real life blogs are so popular. They make you, as the reader, feel like you’re not alone. But for the writer it’s not just as simple as writing about your feelings and putting your life on the internet for everyone to see. It’s HARD! I had to grit my teeth constantly writing this… and I’m sure that even as I hit the post button, I’ll still be gritting my teeth.
This blog has helped me so much more than I could ever have imagined though. This is my space – one of the only places I get to be who I want to be. And if you got to know me through this blog or on Twitter, then you know the real me and then… I’m happy to call you my friend.