No Stalgia, thanks!

Last night in bed, while I was trying to fall asleep, a rush of suppressed teen memories filled my mind. As I relived all my cringe worthy memories, my heart thumped loudly in my chest. It felt like I had swallowed a cocaine balloon that had burst in my stomach and I couldn’t stop tripping! I so badly wished that I could go back in time and give 16-year-old-me a couple of “warm klappe”.

This made me think: I cannot change the past but I CAN write myself a letter AND, in the process, provide an entertaining (and hopefully funny) read. And, I don’t think I’m the only one who has a thing or two to say to my younger self. So here’s what I propose: “Tag! You’re it! Letter to my younger self” Write your letter and nominate 7 people to do the same:

  • Jennifer Moss
  • Green Lydia
  • Namreen Sonday
  • Nadia – My Hartjie
  • Lisa-Jade
  • Heather De Bruin
  • Rushda Bardien

Dear 15 year old Leana

Hey dork, this is 28 year old you, in other words, I’m the wiser you. I’ve decided to write this letter to 15 year old you… me… us… because the shit’s about to get real.

Firstly, you’ll get a holiday job at Canal Walk – be responsible about it. Wear clothes that cover your belly ring. There will be a coffee shop around the corner from you – stay away! Buy a travel mug and take your coffee from home and READ a damn book while you wait for work to start! hipsterLater, you’ll waitress at a tiny coffee shop – it’s kak, but it’s a great experience and the money’s good. You need the money! Don’t buy the scooter that your boss offers you for R500. Buy one that works!!!!


Don’t give in to peer pressure! Smoking will not make you cool. Start playing netball instead. No, you won’t be any good at it, but it’s a much healthier and cheaper habit than smoking!

You know THAT guy… the one whose name must not be spoken? Slap out of it (Cougar Town reference – watch it… it’s good)! It’s not going to happen. He’s going to marry a HUGLY (Hella Ugly) box dyed red head with tacky tattoos and he is NOT going to age well either. You deserve better. you deserve betterStudy harder. There is no money for studying after school so work hard for a scholarship. Oh, and your first instincts were correct – PR/Marketing it is! There is this thing called Twitter and Facebook in the future – it’s going to be huge – learn it… LIVE IT! However, the career path that we ended up on isn’t bad at all.

Some knickknacks to remember. They might not make sense right now, but make these your motto:

  • HO’s before BRO’s! ALWAYS!
  • Don’t be afraid or ashamed of who you are – embrace the hippy within

  • Waxing is your friend
  • Keep nail clippers with you at all times
  • Life after school is better
  • Whenever your stepfather annoys the living shit out of you, smile – because they get divorced snarky grin
  • Have fun – with the right people. The right people will present themselves very soon
  • The road to hell is paved with good intentions … and along the way you’ll find some wolves dressed in sheep’s clothing – stay away from older, charismatic men.
  • Drinking is fun, yes, but don’t drink with losers.
  • Don’t date a guy named Warren – just…. DON’T.
  • Your dad isn’t as bad as you think. Cut him some slack… maybe move in with him? You’ll thank me later.

Take your aunt up on her offer to lend you the money to go overseas for a year, but do it properly and do your research first. Because you’ll be staying away from older, charismatic men (refer to above bullet points) you will be free to do as you please.  freedomOh, and you know how you always seem to have a “Hollywood” expectation of life? It only happens once and here’s how: during break one day, a bunch of goofy boys will throw a bucket of water out of a classroom window and onto you. Years later you’ll find out who it was, after you’ve fallen madly in love with him. But THIS one I won’t spoil for you.

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10 thoughts on “No Stalgia, thanks!

  1. LOOOOOOVVVVEEEEE this. And the tag. God if only I could go back. So many things I would change. Also I would never wear white ever again. But more on that later.

  2. Pingback: Tag your it | RashiedaUncut

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