There’s been a real need for topic changers in my life lately. So, instead of continuing uncomfortable conversations I’ve begun to randomly blurt out phrases, like a Tourette’s sufferer … 9 out of 10 times they work really well because people really think I have a problem or they’re as easily distracted as I am.
So here they are, in no particular order – my topic changers:
- I have to pee (this works well as an escape route)
- OMG! Have you seen the cellulite on Kim Kardashian’s ass?
- I love lamp.
- I’m so thirsty! Let me go buy some wine.
- OMG, I love your hair! (They love it when you compliment them)
- Ah! I love this song! (Works great if there’s a song playing…. Works great if there’s nothing playing because then people think you have a problem)
- What’s that? Do you hear that? (also a good escape route)
- I love your shoes!! (If it’s a guy this works well too, watch them light up)
- Speaking of, have you ever had a Salted Caramel milkshake? (wink wink Charlene) For a moment, just think about this: you’re connecting the most obscene flavour milkshake with a random topic… If they ever thought there’s something wrong with you, then this will just confirm their suspicions and they’ll stop talking to you – BOOM
- You guys… I hate myself for thinking Harry Styles is gorge! But how cute is he, right?
I’m not saying I’m a genius, but these lines are genius…. And I came up with them… so… I’ll just leave it up to you to decide.