Tuesday 10’s – 10 things you should do before you have kids

I realise I’m going to get some flak for this post… I’m OK with that. But before everyone jumps on their hout perdjies, here’s why I’ve decided to it. I’m nowhere near to being ready to have kids and for the longest time, I thought I’m the only one in my generation that seems to have this crippling fear of settling down and having kids.

The other morning, in a moment of Monday-blues-induced-honesty, a colleague of mine admitted “I love my kids, but if I could go back, I wouldn’t have them. Your marriage is never the same; your life is never the same and you’re never the person you want to be.” I’ve never felt sorrier for someone in my entire life and it’s not because she was “stuck” with two kids, but because she felt horrible for resenting her kids. So, I dug a little deeper and asked her a little about what she did before she got married. The answer? Almost NOTHING. And I thought, “This might be your problem”.

So here’s what I suggest you do before you settle down and have kids:

  • Take risks in your career/work in another country
  • Travel

    Bora-Bora-best-romantic-place-of-world-for-honeymoon-2013

    Image from indialive.today

  • Be broke

    brokelarge

    Image from thoughtcatalog.com

  • Spoil yourself – Fendi, Gucci, Prada, Guess, Nine West, Levi, Converse…. need to continue? You shouldn’t be asking “why”… just open that Edgars account and splurge! designer collage
  • Study whatever you want to study – as many times as you like
  • Get super-duper fit and really really hot… like… so hot that those 16 year olds be like “I wanna be her when I grow up” beachgirls
  • Work 2 jobs
  • Discover yourself…. REALLY DISCOVER WHO YOU ARE. Here’s a useful link – 6 Tips to find yourself
  • Rescue an animal

  • Surf/rollerblade/bicycle/scooter/be in a band – do whatever activity it is that makes you feel like a kid again hot-fit-girls-women-3

By no means am I suggesting that kids hold you back from doing any of these things – I’m going to continue to do as many of these things should I decide to have kids. But for now, I’m quite happy being a 28/29 year old tween.

Advertisements

15 thoughts on “Tuesday 10’s – 10 things you should do before you have kids

  1. I am having the same problem with my generation. If things are happening like this now for me, what will happen when I get to your age.

    Why are people moving so fast with their life, are they afraid that they will lose out on life or are they going to die real soon? Help me understand these things.

    While I am stressing my heart out for exams and actually obtaining a degree. While people my age are planning their wedding day or baby shower. Why oh why.

    Thanks for putting this out there. You might think you will get grief about it but we all have different angles on life.

    • I love this comment! Thanks so much Ami!
      Man… it’s difficult. I’ve seen it happening right after school – it’s a novelty that quickly wears off. You wanna know what’ll happen when you’re my age? You’ll be living a care free life while the others are getting divorced and telling their small kids… “look this is your new daddy”… You’re doing just fine girl – get that degree and make that dough.

  2. Interestingly I read an article a few days ago that said that we are living in one of the most ‘selfish’ generations. It said this particularly because the birth rate is dropping because people are opting not to have kids and when they are having kids are having them later in life.
    I thought it was very interesting but I also feel it’s all about balance, if you are able to continue doing the hobbies/activities/things that you love while having kids that’s amazing for both of you, most people battle with that the most.
    I feel that if you want kids, have them and try your best to carry on being yourself, doing the things you love and things you want to do as well as being there for the kids – I’ll never forget being dragged along to badminton and squash with my folks when I was younger, they loved it and made it a priority. If you don’t want kids- own it and carry on being your happy self. 😊

    • I do have another point of view on this which stems from our upbringing. Back then, things were very different and I might have been the exception to the rule here, but I knew very very well that I was an inconvenience to my parents. This may not have been their intentions… I will never know. Maybe this is why I felt so sad for my colleague…

  3. So… I was married when I was 20 and I have 3 kids and I am only 27. Do I regret having kids and getting married so young? No. Do I think it’s for everyone? Absolutely not. Sometimes I wish that I could go and do things that I never really had the opportunity to do, but I go away for 2 nights and I miss my littles so much that I am dying to come back.

    Basically, I wholeheartedly support the individual. If studying and getting a degree is more important to you than settling down, then do it. If you have truly found the person that you think you can spend the rest of forever with, get married. If you are dying to have kids, then do it. But know that any of these things are not mutually exclusive. You can study while married with children – it’s really hard to do (I know from first hand experience), but it is possible.

    Sjoe, so that’s my 2 cents worth 😉

    • I like it! Each to their own I guess. I do however believe that “You can have whatever you want – you just need to get it” It’s not always easy… and I think this is why people don’t always get what they want. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment!

  4. I got married at 20 and had a baby by 21. Life has a way of working out. I didn’t study or travel when I was younger and I was afforded the opportunity to do both while being married with two kids. Just to be clear I have only traveled within my own country but still I did it. I didn’t live it up when I was young and I don’t think that I was in a rush either. I think every life has its own journey to follow.

    • That’s very true, and look, by no means am I suggesting that you can’t do those things when you have kids, or that kids keep you from doing stuff. I think life gets so busy and most people tend to fall into the “need to get the bare necessities done and screw fun” trap.

      • Agreed. I was just saying to a friend of mine I need to get my hubby alone we kinda forgot about each other over the last few months!

  5. I think I got real lucky: I’m 29 and am married, have a ten year old (step) daughter, have traveled to 8 countries, learned new sports, experimented with hobbies, I act irresponsibly at times, I’ve worked in SO many different industries, have delivered babies and saved lives, and can’t wait to add more people to our family! What I have learned though, is that no matter the plans you have for yourself – you’ll only get them if they are right for you. And as much as you may think you know what’s right, you don’t!

  6. I am in a position where I purposefully chose not to settle down (or even be with a relationship) until I was financially independent. It has been totally worth it because I am in a relationship with a man who whole heartedly supports me and respects me for all my achievements and ambitions. We are going to start travelling and are building a life….does it include kids now…no. And I can’t say with certainty that we will or won’t have kids. We are enjoying being young and living life how we want to 🙂

    • You’re just doing what you feel is best and I totally agree with that. Good for you though. I get lots of “So when are you getting married… you know you’re not getting younger” and I’m like… (cue Scream horror music) “Shut up!” I don’t know… that’s just me.

  7. I will just jump on that hout perdjie!!

    I definitely think that having a kid is not for everyone. Some people think that they can handle it, but they can’t. I won’t encourage anyone to have a child as young as I did, even though it was the best thing that ever happened to me; even with the sleepless nights, complete frustration and dealing with the terrible toddler phase (omf! And YES It doesn’t end at two, they freaking LIED!). But it’s absolutely how I decided to treat what happened in my life.

    I’m so glad you don’t have rose coloured glasses on about this, raising a child is bladdy hard! It’s easier/harder for me because I’m a single parent, I absolutely love that I can mold her into what I feel is right without someone else’s stupid input.

    Some people tend to forget that you can still do everything even though you have children, party, travel, study, make cash-money; just don’t compare yourself to someone whose doing those things WITHOUT children. It’s all about changing your outlook and circumstances, adapt and let your freak flag fly!! The kiddies will appreciate you so much more for it!!

    P.S I love being a ‘young’ mommy. Libby and I can share shoes one day and I can teach her how to have great taste in music. WIN!!

    Did I make sense?

    • Ai LJ… I was actually thinking of you the whole time I was writing this. I’m such a late bloomer – in all aspects really. And I’ve actually been told by a professional that I’m going through “delayed adolescence”. So I’ve got a pass! 😀 When I saw you and Libby together for the first time I couldn’t help myself from thinking “aw… see… it CAN be done”. Yes, I’ve been guilty of cooing over the odd baby here and there so I’m not oblivious to my “maternal instincts”. Thanks so much for getting on the hout perdjie 😀 I always like hearing different opinions.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s